The following details the Burrito Structural Emergency Incident Report (BSEIR) of Profession Burrito Engineer (PBE) Greg Bullard, signed into the log this, the Fourth Day of August, Two-Thousand and Eight.

Today I suffered a Category 3 Burrito Emergency (C3BE), thankfully, no one was injured.

As befits a C3BE, less than 15% of the Burrito remained (THANK GOD!) before it suffered a Catastrophic Loss of Structural Integrity (CLSI). The remaining Tortilla (which as a Native Texan I am forbid to refer to as a "Wrap") was reduced to a small closed section about 1.5" wide at the bottom. The remaining 3 sides of the burrito were open (Top, Right and Left side) and loss of food was imminent.

Those familiar with their Large Burrito Disaster Recovery Training (LBDRT) will recognize this description as the classic Crescent Lacuna Catastrophic Loss of Structural Integrity (CLCLSI).

Because the remaining portion of Burrito was at or less than 15%, I was able to enact Emergency Consumption Plan Bravo (ECPB). Those familiar with the technique would know this as devouring the remaining Burrito in two bites. The second bite is administered in quick succession to the first bite, which inevitably has caused a further loss of structural integrity.

While Emergency situations are never treated with such cavalier disregard as to be termed, routine, this was none-the-less a successful, further-uneventful conclusion to the incident. Success in these terms being a 98% complete clean-up effort with only the napkins that remained in the bag.

However, despite the success of this event, I would remind everyone...

The next time you have a CLSI, especially a CLCLSI, remember your LBDRT. A C3BE is never to be taken lightly even by a PBE, especially when you have to perform an ECPB followed by a BSEIR.

- Greg Bullard, PBE