Unfortunately, I do not have the UPC code for the product. But I recently purchased a bottle of Vlasic, No Sugar Added, Sweet Relish. Of particular note is the fact that this was a Squeeze bottle labeled “new”.

While I would love to praise the product, I cannot. I have always been a fan of Vlasic pickles and relish. However, in this case, it is the container that is my source of woe.

Simply put, I cannot get the relish out of the bottle reliably.

I had prepared the “perfect meal, with the perfect setting.” It was game three of the World Series. I had Oscar Meyer Hot Dogs, French’s Classic Yellow Mustard, bread, an ice cold Sam Adams …and my Vlasic relish in the squeeze bottle.

I assembled my first hot dog and as the final step, went to apply the relish. I had just removed the protective seal as I’d bought the relish a few days prior and was just using it. I tipped the bottle and squeezed to dispense relish…and all that came out was juice.

I shrugged, thinking nothing of this setback, sealed the cap and shook the bottle, then tried again. Once more, juice. Since that piece of bread was now soaked in relish juice (without a single flake of relish having left the bottle), I ate that hot dog sans relish.

Assembling my second hot dog now, I shook the bottle of relish once more and squeezed it over a nearby bowl in order to get the juice out of the way. The only thing that came out was more juice, still no relish.

Now the juice content of the bottle was getting low and without any juice the relish was beginning to clump into a thick paste-like substance near the juice-free top of the squeeze bottle.

Thinking I may have better luck with less juice…I turned the bottle to my second hot dog, now getting cold, and tried to squeeze relish out onto the ‘dog’…no such luck. Once more, I managed to get still more juice. My second piece of bread now soaked in relish juice, I once more had a hot dog sans relish.

Third hot dog …assembled and ready for relish! I removed the cap from the bottle, thinking the entrance too narrow, and thought surely, I would get relish easily now. I carefully attempted to apply the relish, in fear of a lot of it coming out with the lid off…however, I had no reason to fear. The relish, now much less juicy, clogged the neck of the cap-free bottle and stuck there, when I squeezed, a torrent of juice, without relish, poured out onto my bread. I squeezed harder, more juice.

You guessed it, third hot dog ruined.

But that’s ok, I had one more left. I tried precisely the same step above, only instead of squeezing the bottle with the cap off, I wound up prodding and poking at the relish with my finger to get some of it out. I tried a spoon, but the neck of the bottle was too small to allow the spoon to enter. Finally, on my 4^th and last, now lukewarm hot dog, I was able to prod the bottle with a finger until a small clump of congealed, juiceless relish fell out and remained stuck together, resisting my efforts to spread it out on the bread. Sighing in resolution, I accepted defeat at the hands of the relish gods and ate my last hot dog with it’s tiny clump of relish and a large wet spot of relish juice.

I couldn’t help but notice that the squeeze bottles were new and labeled “new”. Allow me to just report to you that your experiment into the convenient world of the relish squeeze bottle is a complete and total failure.

I will continue to purchase Vlasic products, as your food quality is superb. But I can assure you, squeeze relish will NOT be among those purchases.

Usually I don’t complain. If my food is cold in a restaurant, I eat it anyway and won’t return to that restaurant for awhile.

But in this case, my “perfect meal” complimenting an ideal World Series experience was completely ruined by your product. I have saved the remnants of the nearly full bottle of mostly juice free relish in my refrigerator, should you want it returned. However, to be honest, I would very much appreciate something in return for my effort and disappointment.

I would love to continue being a Vlasic customer, but I can’t say that I am pleased right now. I feel your new product design and testing completely failed, and let me and every other consumer down.